If you’ve been reading KOAB for a while, you might remember my post last year about Bar & Bat Mitzvah expenses. The best part of that post (as with many!) was the discussion that went on in the comments section – so definitely check it out if you haven’t read it before.
Today’s Reader Question comes from Julie, who recently posted a question in that comment thread about invitees to her daughter’s upcoming Bat Mitzvah. Since we’re still five years away for our first Bar Mitzvah, I thought I’d hand this question over to those of you who have been-there-and-done-that.
Here’s Julie’s question:
We are planning my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah next summer. Instead of a luncheon/evening after her service, we are planning a trip to Israel the following July with extended family members. We are having a small kid-focused event the night of the service, but just with HER friends.
This being said, I am struggling with my invitee list. Because we aren’t having a large function, do we still invite cousins, our parent’s friends, co-workers who would have been invited if we were having a luncheon instead? We are planning to have a more extensive oneg after the service offering bagels, deli, kugel etc for about an additional hour but other than that, they wont be invited to any other sort of party.
I don’t want guests to feel they are invited to just bring a gift, but want them as part of this simchah. I am torn as to what the right thing is to do.
I am trying to think of a way to incorporate guests knowing about our Israel trip so they also aren’t confused as to why there isn’t any function information in the invite.
Can you help Julie out? Let’s talk about that tough subject of culling the Bar/Bat Mitzvah guest list!